|
|
January 20th, 2012
In a democracy, bounded by place and geography, we vote for constraints on capitalism and corporate activities so that everyone, on balance, can live a better life, a decent life.
We vote for things that enhance the commons and the long term prospects of our culture, like environmental protections, child labor laws, workplace safety, toxin labeling, mandatory education. These constraints increase short term costs and may either increase prices or decrease profits. Citizens in a democracy are willing to accept that tradeoff- because while they like to make money, they ALSO want a country with good infrastructure, vibrant culture, research that will benefit the long term health of the population, a level economic playing field, clean air and water, a way to take care of the people who fall through the cracks in the society, and opportunities to thrive in their life in other ways. Read the rest of this entry »
December 19th, 2011
Visiting San Quentin State Prison, and What I Didn’t See Coming
A few weeks ago I got the chance to visit San Quentin and speak with a community of prisoners who are working on personal transformation. What a surprise.
Unexpected thing #1: At San Quentin state prison, men with life eligible sentences play doubles tennis on the yard. Unexpected thing #2: These men (who have at some point killed another person) and I? We are more alike than I previously ever imagined. Unexpected thing #3: They are engaged in a year long program to become non-violent persons and peacemakers, and have taken a student peacekeeper pledge that many people ‘on the outside’ can partake in. Read the rest of this entry »
December 6th, 2011
I don’t “not hire people” because they lack the right pedigree. I don’t hire them because I almost always give a few test assignments, paid, to see how they will do. I give a lot of people the chance at work, especially people who seem to have a spark, but who don’t have the officially correct background (eg, the screening mechanisms and signifiers such as degrees and credentials and experience) and I, or someone on the team, will explain and teach as needed. It’s a chance to be a self starter and make something happen…if you’re a fast learner and you show up, we have a beautiful thing. If not, no big risk either way.
What I am finding is that there are some basic work skills that people just don’t have, and they aren’t related to education. They are however, related to teachability, and to accountability. These skills speak volumes to how easy it might be to work with you over the long haul.
Does this seem like tough love? Read the rest of this entry »
December 6th, 2011
Are people giving you only a fraction of what they are capable of? Do they go home early? Yawn in meetings? Seem disheartened?
Here are the top 5 reasons people don’t want to work for you:
1) You are unclear on what you want, so it’s impossible for anyone to be successful. You subconsciously believe that people should be mind readers. The corollary to this is you keep changing your mind or changing direction, or find it difficult to progress projects forward. This is exhausting for a team, as there is no real progress or accomplishment to point to. Read the rest of this entry »
November 18th, 2011
So, it’s that holiday time of the year again.
Back in 2008, when the economy had begun to tank and we were doing a lot of conscious work on ourselves, we decided that the best thing we could give each other was more connection and support.
We wanted the same level of depth and dialogue in our family circle (our kids, then ages 6 to 23, each other, our parents) that we were getting with strangers in the classes we were taking. We wanted to express gratitude, wonder and appreciation at the year gone by, to connect and communicate with those that we love, to help each person clarify their own intentions for the coming year, and to let each other know what we needed in the way of support.
So we set aside one of the holiday afternoons when everyone was gathered for a new tradition: a family inquiry and promise circle. We asked each person to spend some time alone in the morning doing some kind of vigorous exercise to clear their head: hiking, bike riding, dancing. We asked for all devices and electronics to stay off all day. We set up a snacky buffet and an art table with magazines and glue and markers in case people wanted to do their books visually… then we paired up in unlikely pairs, and handed out the promise booklets with the questions in them, so people could work side by side on their answers and really give them some good thought. Read the rest of this entry »
November 16th, 2011
What does it mean to be a grownup, emotionally healthy adult human being? To be happy and healthy and whole? Freud offered the opinion that psychologically healthy people are able to love and to work- simple enough, yes? But not granular enough for real skill development. On the other hand, much of the self-help industry addresses highly specific issues or manifestations of a lack of skill, without an overall framework for comprehensive skill development: a buffet without structure, rather than a food pyramid.
By looking at broad basic skill sets required for healthy adult functioning, and then by breaking down emotional skills into smaller bites, it’s easier to get at a full developmental profile. One can better assess where the growth edge is, and set a plan to get better at that aspect, through coursework, training, examples, techniques and practice. You can get a sort of emotional health check up, a look at your vital signs in each area.
Emotional and spiritual skills are like language skills in many ways-e.g, they can be learned, they come easier for some then others, and people learn them in different ways.
What, I thought, if we could have a grown up school that allowed self directed learning to fill in the gaps we never knew how to address, before it got to a crisis point? For example, if self care were the skill issue, you’d see it on your personal inquiry, before you got diabetes. If listening was the skill issue, you’d work on it before getting to marriage counseling. You wouldn’t get to age 35 and still be shattered over a break-up. You wouldn’t run from the truth of living outside your means.
Thus came this idea of “grownup school”, and a model for a complete skill set that we could work on. The more I looked healthy, optimized emotional skills in myself and others, where things cause pain, or send happiness or contentment tumbling, every skill rested easily on one of two dimensions: capacities on the spectrum of self and other, and capacities on the spectrum of freedom and restraint.
Read: Part 2: Self and Other
November 16th, 2011
Continued from Grown Up School Part 1
There are 4 aspects on the continuum of Self and Other.
1. Acceptance
Self Acceptance: On this aspect, a person is able to accept himself right now, where he or she is at, with any perceived flaws and imperfections, and speak to oneself with a voice of kindness. If a person is unable to accept themselves, the result is a constant inner negator and critic, making happiness impossible- when this is coupled with being able to accept others, it shows up as jealousy.
Q: Do I speak to myself in kindness? Can I laugh at myself? Do I feel pretty good by myself? Can I happily be alone with myself?
Acceptance of others: They can accept others as they are, without trying to change them or judge them. If one is unable to accept others, but to accept self, it shows up as arrogance and disconnection.
Q: Can I allow others to be the way they are without judging them? Can I happily be with others?
2. Care
Self Care: On this aspect, a person is able to care for the self, however a person only able to care for the self becomes self-centered, alienated and grasping.
Q: Am I able to feed myself well? Am I able to move and care for my body? Am I able to get adequate rest? Do I get health and dental care? Do I create a foundation for my own safety/security? Do I choose safe relationships?
Other Care: A person is able to provide nurturing support to others. A person only able to care for others is left depleted and unhealthy.
Q: Do I have empathy? Can I nurture others? Do I give freely without expectation of return? Am I dependable? Do I show up for others?
3. Communication
Speaking: On this aspect, I am able to speak and listen to truth while staying grounded and holding on to my well being. As an individual, I know and say what is true for me, and I can listen to others saying what is true for them. When the skill of truth-speaking is out of balance, I say yes when I mean no, or make commitments without intention, or keep difficult topics to myself out of fear of conflict, or go along to get along.
Q: Can I say what is true for me, calmly and clearly? Am I self aware enough to know what is true for me, to hear that still, small voice?
Listening: When the skill of listening is out of balance, when their words make me so uncomfortable that I can’t hear them, I may do things like: talk over others, bully them into being quiet, leave the room, create a red herring or a distraction, avoid them, or make fun of them.
Q: Can I calmly and deeply listen to what is true for others, and stay present and curious?
4. Direction
Self Directed: On this aspect, I am able to both set my direction independently and to collaborate with others when needed. I can determine my desires and enact plans to achieve them. However, if I am only able to self-direct, then I am a loner, a wild card, an eccentric, headstrong.
Q: Can I set a goal for myself and follow through on it? Can I plan my time and day to be in balance with my priorities? Do I know what I want? Can I stick to things and keep commitments?
Other Directed: When needed I can follow others and learn from them. When not balanced with self direction, I am a “yes man”, a robot, an automaton, a “good girl”, a conformist- not fulfilled. I have the sense I am living someone else’s life.
Q: Can I respect others strengths and defer to a larger goal when needed? Can I collaborate or work as part of a team? Do I how up for other people? Can I trust others?
Read Grown Up School Part 3: Freedom & Restraint
Tags: accepting, collaborating, emotional health, emotional IQ, emotional maturity, happiness science, listening, nurturing, self acceptance, self care, self direction, self expression, spiritual health
Posted in Conscious Living, Human Potential, Leadership, Love | No Comments »
November 16th, 2011
Continued from Grown Up School Part 2: Self and Other
There are 4 aspects on this continuum between Freedom and Restraint.
1. Feeling
Freedom: I can feel deeply, I know what I am feeling, I don’t push feelings away. If I can’t feel deeply, I am shut off from myself, from the universe and from other people.
Restraint: On the other hand, I don’t have to act on those feelings, or react to them. I can hold myself until my expression of the feeling is good for myself and others. If I can’t hold onto myself, I am a drama queen, an unstable force in the community.
2. Desire
Freedom: I allow myself to want, and to name the things I want. If I don’t allow myself desire, I am sleep walking to the beauties of the world.
Restraint: However, I can delay gratification and even deny gratification if it is better for myself and the world. If I can’t delay gratification I risk gluttony, overspending, or a mentality of disposability- not valuing the very thing I have prized.
3. Expression
Freedom: I can fully express my creative force. If I can’t express my creative force, in some way (words, love, music, art, action, building, sport) I am denying a core element of my humanity.
Restraint: I can do it in such a way that doesn’t step on or impinge the rights of others. If I express it with no regard to others or without restraint, I take advantage of others, and cross their boundaries.
4. Exploration
Freedom: I am open to new experience, I see adventure. If I’m not open to experience, I become ritualized and limited, stuck in my ways.
Restraint: I am equally able to ground and be steady, not grasping for the next high. If I am an experience junkie, I’m unable to be content with what it right now.
November 15th, 2011
Over the summer, Taylor Milsal and I committed to hosting a weekly salon with the sole intention of creating a community of people connected through a common desire to non-dogmatic spiritual and emotional thriving, and to creating more love in the world, starting with themselves. The idea was to meet every Wednesday night, for supper (breaking bread together and hanging out), create a framework for real connection, offer a focused discussion topic presented by a guest speaker or member of the community, and do some meditation together- and usually offer some amazing music. Thus LoveSpring was born.
It’s been running for a few months now, and it’s a beautiful group of people are showing up, from 20 to 60 in any given week. We’ve covered non-violent communication, relationships, meaning/mission, gossip/right speech and more. We’ve had TED speakers, authors, adventurers and filmmakers and former inmates from San Quentin. We couldn’t be more thrilled at the response.
We knew it had a place in the world, and it’s hitting some sweet spot for many people. We’re now working on adding more structure to the topics, a more deliberate skill development and practice component.
Please take a look at what we’re up to, and if you find yourself in San Francisco on a Wednesday night, please join us. We post audio and transcripts of prior events, so they can be more widely shared, even if you’re far away you can participate by getting and commenting on the content.
There will be groups starting up in LA and NY soon, too. If you’re looking for something like this, let us know, and we will connect you with other local people.
XO,
Christine
Love is the most powerful transformative force in the universe. And I like love most when it’s used as a verb, not a noun. Loving can be learned, and practiced- just like a tennis serve or making the perfect cup of coffee. Loving itself isn’t always soft or easy- living from love encompasses fierce honesty, broad acceptance, core strength, and a kind spirit- because to live from love you have to be able to take in the world in all of its contradictions, and not fight it. From love, we see the soul in each person first, not their utility- we put this seeing before judgement. Putting loving intention first makes everything easy, whereas the absence of love creates immense suffering. That’s something worth investing time in.
November 8th, 2011
In our continued effort to offer relevant content and community for conscious living, we have launched Santa Rosa Yoga, serving practicing yogis, professionals and the yoga curious in the North Bay area.
The greater Santa Rosa area is home to more than 200,000 people, with a higher than average interest in healthy lifestyles and spiritual living. The site offers a directory of teachers, studios and events, and original content on practicing, as well as a book and product review section, and a curated shop.
If you are interested in yoga, visit the site, and maybe follow SRY’s updates on Twitter.
Look for HighCountryYoga, coming soon.
|
